"Get your facts first, and then you can distort them as much as you please." (Mark Twain)

Tuesday, September 20, 2005

Falling Flat On His Ear 

From the Anchorage Daily News, courtesy of Kos:
In any case it won't die: the idea that Alaska, to help Hurricane Katrina victims, should forfeit the dough it got in the federal highway bill for the Knik and Gravina bridges.

The New York Times: "Surely Rep. Don Young, the Alaska Republican who is chairman of the transportation committee, might put off that $223 million 'bridge to nowhere' in his state's outback. It's redundant now -- Louisiana suddenly has several bridges to nowhere."

The Wall Street Journal: "That same half a billion dollars (for the two Alaska bridges) could rebuild thousands of homes for suffering New Orleans evacuees."

No doubt to make Alaskans look bad, city leaders in Bozeman, Mont., are investigating whether they can give Katrina victims the $4 million they got in the federal bill for a downtown parking garage.

Sen. John McCain, R-Ariz., raised the charitable pork idea on the Senate floor last week, although he stopped short of endorsing it.

So, how about it, Mr. Chairman?

"They can kiss my ear!" Young boomed when Sam Bishop, Washington correspondent for the Fairbanks Daily News-Miner, asked him about the many pleas to redirect the bridge money.

"That is the dumbest thing I've ever heard," Young went on, noting that Louisiana did quite well in his highway bill.

And, the congressman said, he helped the seafood industry donate more than $500,000 for hurricane victims. (That was at the "Seafood Invitational," a charity golf tournament Sept. 9 in Roslyn, Wash., Bishop reported Friday.)

"I raised enough money to give back to them voluntarily," he said, "and that's it!"

I see how it works - the honorable Mr. Young gave at the office (or, rather, at the golf course, but you get my point), and that's that. But the thing I like about this story is the inexplicable expletive, "Kiss my ear." This might just rocket to the top of the charts among my favorite euphemisms, if only because of the limitless possibilities for derivative works. Consider:
* "In a just world, Rep. Young would get his ear handed to him when he runs for re-election."

* "Rep. Don Young is a real horse's ear." (Or, if you prefer, an "earhole.")

* "Whenever you hear Republicans talk about 'compassionate conservatism' or 'fiscal responsibility,' remember that they're lying their ears off."

And, finally,
* "If Don Young is ever so foolish as to show his face in Louisiana, folks will be lining up to kick his pasty white ear."

 

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