"Get your facts first, and then you can distort them as much as you please." (Mark Twain)

Tuesday, August 09, 2005

Stick Your Finger In the Dyke 

I presume that most of you are already familiar with "Dr." James Dobson's list of warning signs that your beloved prepubescent son is a proto-faggot:
Evidences of gender confusion or doubt in boys ages 5 to 11 may include:

1. A strong feeling that they are “different” from other boys.

2. A tendency to cry easily, be less athletic, and dislike the roughhousing that other boys enjoy.

3. A persistent preference to play female roles in make-believe play.

4. A strong preference to spend time in the company of girls and participate in their games and other pastimes.

5. A susceptibility to be bullied by other boys, who may tease them unmercifully and call them “queer,” “fag” and “gay.”

6. A tendency to walk, talk, dress and even “think” effeminately.

7. A repeatedly stated desire to be — or insistence that he is — a girl.

If your child is experiencing several signs of gender confusion, professional help is available. It’s best to seek that help before your child reaches puberty.

I further presume that you have seen one or more of the righteous smackdowns of this particular bit of idiocy that are making the rounds among reality-based bloggers, including those from Norbizness and (thank you, Baby Jesus!) Fafblog. And I am still waiting for someone to explain what it means for a child to "'think' effeminately."

But the biggest problem here, I think, is that "Dr." Dobson has no advice for the parents of girls. Rarely is the question asked, is our children learning to be rug-munchers? So, I thought I'd step in to help out...

Signs Your "Little Princess" Is Lesbo-licious:
1. A strong feeling that she can beat up other boys.

2. A tendency to play soccer, tolerate spiders, and express an interest in plumbing.

3. A persistent preference to get her hair cut like Dora the Explorer.

4. A strong preference to get a Rottweiler.

5. A susceptibility to be bullied by other girls, who may tease them unmercifully and call them “dyke,” “lesbo” and “that bitch my boyfriend is always hanging out with.”

6. A tendency to walk, talk, dress and even “think” like someone who intends to exercise her right to vote.

7. A repeatedly stated desire to be — or insistence that she is — an independent human being rather than her future husband's chattel.

If your child is experiencing several signs of gender confusion, professional help is available. It’s best to seek that help before your child buys her first pair of sensible shoes.

 

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